Back to His Day Job...

David Ortiz tested positive for steroids in 2003. Can I please have a show of hands of all the people in the room who are surprised at this shocking new development. No one? Really?

This guy stunk in Minnesota, came to Boston, took birth control pills with Manny, hit 54 home runs in 2006, got off the juice, and stinks again.

You know how I know this as fact? Ortiz is getting regular periods again.

This just in from Hank Steinbrenner on Twitter: @hankstein Hey John Henry? Congrats on the revelation that your championship 3-4 hitters juiced. You like-a the way the dick tastes?

Rollin' in the Benjamins

The Yankees are back to their winning ways as they head to Chicago to continue their assault on the American League Central (19-5 in 2009). This has got us thinking: Can the Yankees win 100 games? Let's play with the numbers.

The Bombers are 62-39 through the first 101 games of the season. There are 61 games left. The Yanks are 38 wins away from the century mark. I think a record of 38-23 with a .622 winning percentage down the stretch is more than reasonable (they currently sit at .614 for the year). It will be fascinating to see if this squad can stay strong and actually get stronger for the remainder of the season. They have 27 games left against the AL Central and AL West, where they are a combined 32-13.

Win the series against the Sox, run away with the East. Shower A-Rod with Dom Perignon.

Mets Win, Yanks Lose, Wang Out For Season

The Mets continued their winning ways behind a good start by Mike Pelfrey. Obviously the Mets aren't going to lose again this season, win the NL East and will be so good the rest of the summer that Bud Selig will waive the NL playoffs and just put the Mets in the World Series.

The Yankees lost a very ugly game full of errors and sloppy play, hopefully getting all of that out of their system last night. Swisher is absolutely embarrassing in right field, begging a few questions: Will the Yankees trade for an OF? Will the Yankees make a trade at all? Why does Eric Hinske rot on the bench?

And yes, last but certainly not least, Chien-Ming Wang visited Dr. Andrews for his baseball death sentence: Shoulder surgery today, out for the season. One would think the Yankees will now go after a serviceable 4th/5th starter like an Arroyo, Washburn, etc.

Wilpon Hangs Minaya Out to Dry

"He understands he made a huge mistake and put us in a bad spot."

The truthful and very telling words of New York Mets owner Jeff Wilpon, responding to the words and exchanges of yesterday's press conference.

Congrats, Mets, I can barely remember why the press conference yesterday was called. Your organization has done so much to embarrass itself over the past 26 hours that everyone already forgot about Tony Bernazard.

Start the countdown, Omar Minaya's days are numbered.

Hall of Fame Questions

The United States Hockey Hall of Fame announced its 2009 inductees: The 1998 women's Olympic hockey team; John LeClair, Tony Amonte, Tom Barrasso; and ice resurfacing inventor Frank Zamboni.

No doubt that all of these inductions are worthy of U.S. enshrinement, but the question is whether or not any of these people are worthy of the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto.

Let's even take it a step further by asking about some other players that may or may not be HHOF worthy. Does Mike Richter get in? He's already in the U.S. HOF, and an even bigger question, what about Eric Lindros (yeah, I know he's Canadian, but we're talking about the HHOF in Toronto here)?

We here at the Black and White Cookie feel that Richter can squeak in eventually, while Lindros should definitely make it at some point. Out of the recent U.S. inductees, I'd say Barrasso - Yes; Amonte - No (900 points, but not one piece of hardware); LeClair - Maybe.

Who else is on the brink that you think deserves hockey royalty?

Yankees Spank Rays; Mets Spank Rockies, NYDN

Swisher hit two home runs, Cano went deep, and Damon joined in the party with a shot of Jack himself, as the Yankees beat up on the Rays, 11-4. Bombers still 2.5 up on the Sox.

The real story of the day came before any pitch was thrown, as the sinking Mets held a press conference in late in the afternoon to announce the firing of Tony Bernazard. Big deal? Not really. The big deal came when Omar Minaya used a public forum, being simulcast on SNY and WFAN, to present the idea that he believed the Daily News reporter that broke the Bernazard story had an ulterior motive in his reporting: he wanted the psychotic VP of player development's job.

According to Minaya, who crucified the Daily News' Adam Rubin during the press conference, claimed Rubin approached him about breaking into the baseball business and used the power of the pen to create a job opening for himself.

THIS JUST IN: Confirming earlier reports, Omar Minaya IS actually the dumbest GM in baseball, and probably needs to be fired. The Mets front office is an embarrassment.

Oh, I almost forgot: The Mets won again, their third consecutive win. Congrats to the Triple-A team in Queens. None of that even matters anymore, because the Mets, the Wilpons and Omar Minaya will be absolutely crushed in the New York media for weeks to come. Don't expect anything positive about the Mets to come out of the Daily News anytime soon.

One question comes to mind: Where the hell are the Wilpons?

Yanks Done Streaking; Gardner to DL

I guess we can't be too upset that the Yankees didn't start the second half 9-0. Losing one to the A's probably shouldn't happen, but they won the series 3-1, improving their record to 59-38. Pettitte started well, but fell apart later in the game.

As we all wake up this morning to news about Brett Gardner's broken thumb, questions about his replacement are swirling. The three most obvious choices seem to be Shelley Duncan, Austin Jackson, or Ramiro Pena.

Duncan would be just for power options off the bench, Jackson and Pena would be for centerfield (Pena has been starting a bit in triple-A).

Gardner has been a real asset, and I never thought I'd say this, but the Yankees are not as good without him. He got hurt sliding into second, and played the rest of the game, hitting a triple and making several plays in the outfield. You don't see toughness like that much these days anymore.

Bring up Austin, he's been compared to Joe D early in his career, and I'm sure most Yankee fans are excited to see what he can do at the major-league level.

Oh, and check out this hilarious story about Shelley Duncan.